OCT: Smith! I got your letter! Come out and face me!

JED: In here, tin can!

[rustling]

OCT: All right, I am here, as requested. You said you wished to negotiate terms of surrender?

JED: That's right. [snaps fingers]

[struggles]

OCT: Wh- get your hands off me!

JED: Hold him still, boys.

OCT: You filthy barbarian traitor! We would have let you live!

JED: Yeah? And I ain't. Look, Ock, there's only one way this whole charade of ours is gonna end, and it's with one of us dead. I ain't lettin' my home get taken over by some skirt-wearin' stuck-up prissy know-it-alls. And it's gonna be real fun watchin' your troops scurry around without ya. Pop quiz: Where's Rome?

OCT: ...next door? You are more of a fool than I thought.

JED: The *real* Rome. The one you stomped around in two thousand years ago. Where is it?

OCT: Just make your point, boy.

JED: Italy. Rome's part of Italy. Real nice country, I've heard. Though I'm yet to try any of their cuisine. I've heard it's exquisite.

[growl...]

JED: And I think you'll make a good first course.

OCT: Wh-?! N-no-!!

[swallowing sequence begins]

OCT: Stop this at once! Let me out! No, no! I, I'll have you roasted alive in the brazen bull! Stop!

JED: Mmm... just as tasty as I'd hoped. Head on to the saloon, boys, tell 'em to put yer drinks on my tab. Thanks for the help.

OCT: Ugh, this is the foulest thing I have ever experienced. What is wrong with you?!

JED: Well, I *was* hungry, but I ain't no more.

OCT: When I get out of here, I am going to beat you to death with my bare hands.

JED: Not likely, boy. You're food fer me now, ain't no way you're gettin' out. [yawn...] I'm just gonna lay down and let my body do its job.

OCT: Wh-what?! Y-you're not serious!

JED: [burp] Pardon. Have a good night~.

[fade out]

[scene fades back in as jed wakes up]

JED: Mmm... [yawn] evenin'.

[slosh]

JED: Huh?

OCT: Good evening, you hideous wretch.

JED: WHY ARE YOU STILL ALIVE!?

OCT: I don't know, maybe it has something to do with the magic giving us LIFE, you incompetent buffoon.

JED: Ugh, there goes my plan all tits-up.

OCT: You seem to have overlooked something, boy.

JED: Oh yeah? What's- OW!

OCT: That is called a dagger. And if you don't want it gutting you in the next five minutes, I suggest you spit me out.

JED: Uh... how do I do that, exactly?

OCT: ...You have got to be fucking kidding me.

JED: I ain't used to my meals bein' alive at this point! Gimme a break!

OCT: Four minutes.

JED: [weary sigh]